Alicia Reinkemeyer

What does trust mean to me?
Was that the question we should answer?
Well I thought this is easy because trust is a topic I have never really thought about but it was kind of set in my head already. I had it clear without consciously thinking about it. Upon reflection and deep thought as to how to explain my point of view, on trust I bumped into a several issues I had to explain before I actually answer the question for myself.

So first of all on a very personal level, I wasn’t sure if I could just write a text about this and open myself up to everybody in this organising team sharing personal reflections and experiences that I would probably write down in my diary and don’t tell others about.

Opening up is the first step of trust. What trust means to everyone is a personal definition and decision. I can’t tell or teach somebody how to decide on trusting somebody or not. I can only talk for myself and thats how I am going to try to answer the question.

I make a difference between trusting others and trusting myself. these are two different kind of trust. In general I would say I am a person that does trust other people quickly on a surface level.

I thought about it and I discovered that I don’t really trust others deeply that they get a sort of ‘this is new free ticket trust’. This ticket is invested in my firm believe that most people are good and trustworthy. If experience proves otherwise, I think about what the person went through so that they would handle the situation like they have and explain their behaviour for myself.

As you know me I am a fairly open person to others I often think that I trust them just because I tell them things about me, my life and my problems but it’s more like I tell them what I already cleared for my self. Its not something I would deal with at the time or something relevant. I am not consciously deciding about what I tell them, I use my intuition and sub-conscious forces are at play.

Besides my family there is one person that I tell everything and trust fully. And I also can’t tell when I started to trust that person completely it just happens. One could explain it with the ticket example using intuition and experience I give out little units of trust and see how that person or group deals with it. I spread my thoughts and problems so everybody knows something but never everything and over time the ticket is cemented into a firm bond of trust with that person or group.

Trust- Alicia Reinkemeyer

I think I don’t trust others because I am scared. I am scared that people won’t like me. That they won’t like how I really think, how negative I sometimes think about people. And I am scared that they won’t understand me and my way of thinking or accept my thoughts and how my brain works. I mean, I don’t really have a choice. I think you could track it all back to the phenomena of, everybody thinking their not normal in their behaviour and way of thinking and dealing with stuff and nobody talks about it but in the end we are all thinking differently and work with problems differently and that makes us all “normal” again. Or through trust and discussion you realise damn I am normal they have the same feelings and thoughts…a different perspective or experience but the same result.

Now that I shared with you my biggest fear, we can continue with my thought process.

So if other people tell me that they trust me it honours me because for me it is hard to trust somebody fully as I explained before. My answer to people telling me they trust me is that nobody really trust people fully. They trust different people in specific situations like I do and that that is seen as “trusting somebody”.

I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust my thoughts, my brain or my perception as these can be manipulated through experience or form external sources. I always question it. It is always relative, everything I am feeling in my situation another person experiences the situation from a totally different perspective I am not aware of. So if you look at trusting yourself through that perspective. No, I don’t trust myself.

But I deeply trust in my ability. I know what my strengths are and my weaknesses. I know that even though I am nervous before I go into an exam or onto a stage I know I am well prepared an as soon as I am sitting in class in front of the shed of paper a warm relaxing feeling comes up and I go through the exam with a clear head. The same happens on the stage. In that way I do trust myself.

Another level is social trust for example politics. I am not really into politics nor I understand how they actually work. And it is not really an interest of mine. I tried to be more interested but for me at the moment it bores me. So I wouldn’t say I trust politics or politicians and how they handle things but I believe in their good sides and that they will try their best. It may seem to be naive but thats how it is. With believing in the good side of politics comes back to the deep trust in myself and the good in people.

Trust- Alicia Reinkemeyer

What trust means to me?
I have a weird relationship to trust. It is relative.
On one side it is very important to me when it comes to other people trusting me or me trusting others. But my subconscious deals with it without me knowing about it. It is clear to me. It is nothing I think about daily or something that I don’t understand. It is something that I am aware of existing and something I only think about when I trusted the wrong person or I am not sure of trusting someone.
The meaning of trust depends on the situation, my experience, intuition then my reaction and how they or the group react.